can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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