Apparently you make a good broom.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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