i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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