Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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