Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
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My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
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you are never too drunk for berry picking
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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