you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just had sex on a roof
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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