Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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