all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
