hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
