i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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