I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
