Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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