My girlfriend figured out who you are.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
