I showed him my bush... on skype.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
