when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I need to calm my uterus...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
