So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
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We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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