i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
