OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
