You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
