Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
