I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
