If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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