I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
