Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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