a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
