There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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