how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
