i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
