I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You ruined the universe
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
