I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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