the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my penis look like a turkey
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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