The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
