who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
