HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
