Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
