There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
