you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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