isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's blow job season.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
