do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
be right there i have to get my cape
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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