college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize