the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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