we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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