I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
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We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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