Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
