I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
