i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
