I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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