why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
