My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
