Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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