What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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