Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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