Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
