I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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