11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
