census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
this beer tastes like vomit already
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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