he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
