Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
