Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
home. puking in laundry basket.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
