if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
