And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
