You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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