people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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