Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
