What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
