So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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