I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
