8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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