had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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