looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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