I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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