I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
