you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
