dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
