I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
