I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
