Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize