Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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