theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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