so that wasnt chicken after all
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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