Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
